Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
