Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
