that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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