like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
