I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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