and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
