You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
