So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
