Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
