his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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