Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
