Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
