Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
