Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
