I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize