Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize