yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
