i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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