It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
