Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
