Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize