whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
