Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
