She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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