how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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