I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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