I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
