All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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