I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
