Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
