Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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