I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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