He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
