I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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