We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
