Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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