you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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