I love black thongs
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
