the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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