I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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