just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
