i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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