my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
