4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I forget how to act sober
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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