No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
