If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
