I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
