apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
so much tequila, so little girl.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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