well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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