y did u give ur computer a hand job?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she peed on how many people?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
