i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
