I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
