if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
