literally had 100 drinks last night.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
