Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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