yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
