I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
